Tools for Healing: What is advocacy?

“All advocacy is, at its core, an exercise in empathy.”

— Samantha Power

The Rape Recovery Center’s services are at no cost to survivors as we work with 14 and older primary and secondary survivors. We work hard to ensure we provide language access and currently have staff in every program who speak Spanish and have translation available. Our advocacy comes in the forms of direct services to survivors of sexual violence seeking a forensic exam or advocacy-only response in Salt Lake County, Tooele County, and the Family Justice Center, in-house services for crisis support, and follow-up. The in-house Advocates aim to provide crisis intervention, an immediate, supportive response, short-term case management, and referral services.

Our favorite tool to share with survivors, their family members, and friends is that all can advocate for survivors. Although hospital response team advocates and in-office advocates are trained professionals, they are also passionate about supporting survivors. The most critical thing we do is reinforce that we are merely partners in this healing process. We help survivors uncover their innate strengths and develop and practice new coping methods when viewing themselves and their experiences. We assist survivors as they implement coping strategies amidst a panic attack, flashback, anxiety, depression, etc. We hold silence as survivors come forward for the first time and tell their stories. We are experts at celebrating healing milestones and holding silence and grief together. We do this work with great honor and respect as we understand that healing work hurts, but not healing hurts more. 

Our favorite truth to share with survivors is that they are the experts in their lives. Our advocates can share and teach practical, evidence-based ways to combat post-traumatic symptoms while honoring lived experiences.  We emphasize choice and empower self-determination at every step of the healing journey. We teach our clients how to advocate for themselves beyond 4-6 hours as they undergo a sexual assault evidence collection exam, work with one of our Victim Advocates in-office for 4-6 weeks, or as needed to receive resource and referral advocacy.  Our ultimate goal is to enable self-advocacy, which includes asking for help and balancing self-care and preservation.  

Our advocates believe wholeheartedly that healing transcends. We believe that when one individual embarks on the healing journey, it makes room for others around them to heal, too. We provide services to family members and friends of survivors because we understand the impact of sexual violence often includes those closest to survivors. 

Our highest intention in doing this work is to inspire hope. We aim to share the good news: 

• Healing includes us all

• Everything that is needed to recover from trauma has existed within us long before the trauma.

• We are partners in helping to uncover inner strength, and it is an honor and privilege to witness healing. 

You can reach us at our front-line desk Monday - Friday, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. at 801-467-7282. We have options for virtual or in-person appointments, so please call our front-line desk to schedule an appointment today. The Utah 24-Hour Sexual Assault Help-Line is available at (801) 736-4356 and Linea de Apoyo de Violencia Sexual las 24-Horas de Utah: (801) 924-0860

Tools for Healing: Showing up as our best selves, just as we are

Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is more people who have come alive..

Howard Thurman, Civil Rights Leader, Philosopher, and Theologian. 

During this time of uncertainty, we are impacted by our struggles and the collective fear of the world. We must learn how to take care of ourselves. When we take care of ourselves, there is more space for us to deepen our understanding of who we are, what we stand for, and how we show up in the world. This week we are offering some resources on self-care practices, including meditation, art, creativity, and online classes. The world needs us all to be more of who we are as who we are is the greatest gift we can ever give to others. We hope these resources are supportive to you in navigating stressors this week.

Mindfulness- Meditation Based Apps

• Ten Percent Happier
• Headspace
• Black Lotus
• Stop, Breath & Think
• Timeless
• Insight Timer
• Mindfulness Coach
• Aura
• Calm
• Breathe2Relax

Anxiety, Depression & Post Traumatic Stress Focus Apps

• Virtual Hope Box
• Whats Up
• Mindshift CBT
• Self – Help for Anxiety Management
• CBT Thought Record Diary
• PTSD Coach
• Woebot.oi
• ACT Coach
• CBT-i Coach

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Focus Apps

• NOCD: Effective Care for OCD
• GG-OCD Thoughts Exercise

Bipolar and Schizophrenia Focus Apps

• Emoods Bipolar Mood Tracker
• UCFS Prime

Suicide Prevention Apps

• NotOK
• MY3

Addiction Recovery Apps

• Field Guide to life
• My Sober Life
• Addicaid

Other Useful Apps

• #SelfCare
• Mend
• Quit –That!

General Resources

• Salt Lake Covid Mutual Aid
• United Way - Utah 211
• Another Round Another Rally
• Cluck Truck
• Comcast
• Salt Lake Valley Mutual Aid
• USBG

Take a Deep Breath Resources

• Tara Brach Guided Meditations
• Mindful Based Stress Reduction Course
• Audio Resources for Guided Meditations
• Guided at Home Mindfulness Retreat
• Guided Meditations for Self-Compassion

Move Your Body:

• Apps - Down Dog, Yoga for Beginners, HIIT, Barre, and 7 Minute Workout
• Fightmaster Yoga
• Core Power Yoga
• Peloton App
• Planet Fitness Youtube
• 21st Street Yoga on Facebook
• Blink Fitness on Facebook
• Orangetheory Fitness online
• Gold’s Gym App
• 305 Fitness Youtube
• Barry’s Bootcamp Instagram

Online Support Groups

• Narcotics Anonymous
• Alcoholics Anonymous
• Turn2me
• The Tribe Wellness Community
• Male Survivor Online Chat Groups

Create

• Will Kemp Art School
• The Basics of Oil Painting
• The Weaving Loom
• Watercolor Painting

Learn Something New

• Class Central
• TEDed
• Khan Academy
• Chirp
• Thrillist Museum

Try a New Technique

• DBT Distress Tolerance Skills
• Happify Youtube
• Happify App
• RAIN
• Healthline

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Tools for Healing: Coping in Crisis

The single most important thing that can happen right now in this pandemic is that we feel our collectivity — that we’re really here to help each other move through this. And the truth is each one of us can help. We have a real gift to offer each other just by who we are and how we come forward.

Tara Brach

The Rape Recovery Center staff can meet virtually! We realized that we must meet our clients where they are to lessen the sense of uncertainty and anxiety. Self-care and connection are critical in our world, especially in our healing journeys. As we continue exploring ways to support survivors and the community, we asked our staff to share how they cope and practice self-care. It takes a collective and communal approach to heal. We hope these ideas, reflections, and resources are helpful to you.

• I am increasing the frequency and length of my daily meditation practices to support feeling grounded and centered. Meditation also promotes my spiritual practice and self-reflection. I have used Tara Brach's Online Meditations and Embodied Together videos.  

• Having a young [demanding] dog means staying home 24/7 is not an option. I have been going on 2-3 walks a day around the block and down to a park near my home. Typically, I video chat with friends and family during this time or listen to a podcast. The one I have liked lately is Unlocking Us with Brene Brown.

• I'm finding more tangible ways of setting boundaries between work, like designating work clothes and remembering that when I finish work, I should change into fresh clothes. I plan to try things to anchor myself when I start and end work.  

• Many fitness instructors and dance teachers are taking their classes on online platforms - I’ve been trying different ones. They’re fun and typically free or at a reduced rate. 

• Remember Marie Kondo? I’ve been sparking joy through organizing and getting rid of things that no longer serve me in different rooms in my house. I’ve been taking advantage of online workout apps, taking more time to meditate and create art, and have taken classes on herbalism and writing from a local shop, Greenthread Herbs, and Rupi Kaur via Instagram Live. I’m finally using recipes like this, I’ve wanted to try.  

• Join live groups that are not work-related via Zoom to help stay connected while keeping physical distance. For example, Liberate Meditation (Mediation for and by BIPOC) offers live meditation groups. My partner and I are also setting up virtual get-togethers with friends, family, and spiritual community via Zoom.

• I’ve been doing Yoga with Adriene. She has a 30-day challenge that I’ve been doing every day. I also limit my news intake, which is helpful. 

• Many lectures I previously would not have been able to attend (geographically speaking) have moved online! If you have specific academic or hobby interests, look at related universities and organizations and search through their events. You’ll see that many have moved online, and you can join for free! 

• If you have favorite musical artists or visual artists - many are now performing online or joining online art collectives. Check your favorites to see if they’re doing anything like live Twitch shows, Instagram lives, Facebook lives, or posting new artworks on virtual art gallery accounts on Instagram or private websites. It’s also a great way to support your favorite artists.

We hope you will join us as we all learn new practices for self-healing and seek virtual connection. You can find all our Tools for Healing here.

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Tools for Healing: Practices for Creating Body Awareness

“There is no “supposed to be” in bodies. The question is not size or shape or year of age, or even having two of everything for some do not. But the wild issue is does this body feel, does it have the right connection to pleasure, to heart, to soul, to the wild? Does it have happiness, joy? Can it in its own way move, dance, jiggle, sway? The body is an instrument of knowing.” 

-Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D

I was hiking in the foothills outside Salt Lake on a snowy and sunny afternoon. I was not feeling “great” in my body. I started to judge how it swayed, how my breath felt heavier than usual. I felt fatigued and drained. I noticed my body feeling older and different than it has over the years. I felt heavy, as though gravity was pulling me over, and I did not want to go any further.  I stopped. I felt my feet in my wet boots and wiggled my toes. I noticed the connection with the earth. I softened my gaze and closed my eyes. I saw how I felt inside the body. I was breathing. My heart was beating fast. My hips ached, and my lower back felt tight. I could have stopped there and judged the pain I was feeling. But I felt the urge to go even deeper with my felt sense. I noticed as I stayed and was even more present with the sensations I felt a softness, a lightness, and spaciousness. Standing on the side of the mountain, I put my hand on my heart and said “hello” to this body, just as it was at that moment.  I felt calm, almost as though my body was responding. I stood in silence while I made contact with my companion: the body. 

In our society and due to oppressive systems, the body has been a place of criticism, neglect, “fixing,” needing to be different, a marketing tool, and a space where many of us may have experienced deep trauma.  We may not feel safe in our bodies due to living in a very disembodied society. The body holds memories of our lives, including trauma histories and memories. It may hold words and acts of racism, a sense of otherness, and how we may have been taught that our bodies are not “okay.” 

Yet, the body is an instrument of knowing. It is a tool for self-reflection, presence, and understanding.  Moving from body shame to self-love is a path of inquiry and insight. How we value and honor our own bodies impacts how we value and honor the bodies of others. Body awareness, body positivity, and being embodied is a PRACTICE.  Embodiment is the practice of attending to your sensations. Awareness of your body is a guiding compass to help you feel more in charge of your life. Somatic awareness provides a foundation for empathy, enables you to make healthy decisions, and gives critical feedback about your relationships with others. An embodiment allows us to feel more whole as a human being. 

We invite you to join us in a daily practice of radical self-love by bringing more awareness to your body, and the felt sensations and unpacking the stories we hold about our bodies.  

1. A Bodyful Moment. Take a moment and check in. What do you feel inside of your body? Notice your breath, your heart rate, or any areas of tension. Are you thirsty or hungry? Are you cool or warm? Do you feel awake or tired? Are you sitting up tall or slumped in your chair? Are you aware of any emotions? Where do you sense these emotions in your body?

As you reflect upon your answers to these questions, you might notice the desire to move, change your posture, take a sip of water, eat a snack, or grab a sweater. When you sense and feel your body, you can take actions that help you care for your needs. This is self-regulation, a process of responding effectively to emotions or arousal states you sense in your body. Train yourself to check in with your sensations regularly to track what you are aware of and what you need to stay in balance.

2. Write a letter to your body. This can be a free writing exercise where you continuously write for 5 minutes without putting the pen down. No edits, no critiques of the quality of the writing. You may want to reflect on your body's senses while you are writing. Some prompts you may want to use:

My body speaks…

I forgive…

I feel…

I want to know…

This writing can be a starting point to learn more about your relationship with your body. 

3. Be in Movement. When our body is stagnant, we can feel energetically stuck. It can be helpful to bring a playfulness to the movement. Movement can include going for a mindful walk, noticing your breath, and connecting your feet to the earth. Movement can be dancing to your favorite song with your child. Movement can mean taking a yoga class, running, or just swaying back and forth while in a meeting. It can also mean connecting with the rhythm of our breath or heartbeat or wiggling our toes. When we move with intention and with awareness, we learn to understand how our body moves. This can support a larger sense of who we are in movement. 

4. Create a body-positive affirmation. Affirmations can soothe us when used in conjunction with meditation. Choosing an affirmation is about finding a phrase or word we desire to live by. An affirmation can feel like a growing edge that may feel a little uncomfortable to name. Naming an affirmation can support our thinking patterns and reframe negative beliefs about ourselves and our bodies. Here are a few you may want to try:

I am a vessel of radical self-love.

My body is my companion. 

I am learning to trust my body. 

Practice saying this affirmation numerous times a day. You could say it out loud while walking, while in the car on the way to work. or in moments when you need to challenge internalized beliefs about yourself. Affirmations can be used anytime throughout the day that feels supportive.

Tools for Healing: Intentions

“Every Journey begins with the first step of articulating the intention and then becoming the intention.”

— Bryant McGill

Starting a new year -a new decade, for many can spark a degree of hope, inspiration and a calling to grow and deepen personal wisdom. As we are inundated by messages of wellness, healing, growth, and challenges our wish is to spend a little time talking about intentions and the purpose intentions serve in the healing process. 

Intentions can be looked at as roadmaps that can guide where our energy and efforts should go. Setting an intention starts with a focus on what we are striving for directed by care for the highest good of all, especially ourselves. Intentions are not goals, it isn’t something we attach to as an expectation or evaluation of ourselves. Intentions are instead a continuous process that we are committed to --a practice that has no limits. Some examples that we’ve witnessed transform survivors in the healing process are: 

“Responding to triggers instead of reacting to them.” 

“Letting go of fear when new people or opportunities show up.”

“checking in with my body when angry, sad, or fearful.”

“Listening to understand instead of listening to respond.”

“Nurturing myself when overwhelmed with life and circumstances beyond my control.”

The purpose is not to be perfect at our intention, but rather committed to the practice and journey specific to our intention. 

Meaningful intentions can answer the questions of “Why is this important to me?” and “Why do I want this?”  In doing so we allow the journey of said intention to fulfill itself. We relinquish control over the dynamics that bring forth the specific intentions but instead welcome it in whatever shape it manifests itself. We welcome the possibility of trying and growth, regardless of the outcome. 

Here are some questions aimed at self-reflection meant  to help you get started in forming an intention:

What matters most to you?

What would you like to build, create, or nurture in your life?

What would you like to let go of?

How do you feel when you are your happiest self?

What makes you proud?

What word(s) would you like to align yourself with?

What fears would you like to release?

What are you grateful for?

Credit: Eisler, M. (2018, February 10). Intention setting 101. Retrieved from https://mindfulminutes.com/intention-setting-101/

In addition, here are 10 intentions you can borrow or build from: 

1. Find balance

2. Open your mind and heart

3. Peace

4. Stay steady, calm and focused

5. Act with courage

6. Embrace change

7. Give and receive love

8. Allow yourself to be vulnerable

9. Connect with others

10. Love

Credit: Eisler, M. (2018, February 10). Intention setting 101. Retrieved from https://mindfulminutes.com/intention-setting-101/

You can adapt one of these if it resonates with you. Regardless of how you find your intention, we hope that it guides your healing process and is personal to you. 

Tools for Healing: It does not have to be perfect to exist.

“Creativity is experimenting, growing, taking risks, breaking rules, making mistakes, and having fun.”

Mary Lou Cook

Do you ever feel like you aren’t good enough? That you’re not talented enough, creative enough, or smart enough? Well I’ve got good news for you! Creativity is for everyone. That’s right- everyone! You don’t have to be a trained professional to enjoy drawing, painting, cooking, sewing, baking, making music, singing, dancing, writing, or any other form of creativity.

Although it’s been incredible to see the amazing works of creators all over social media within the last ten years, I think it’s also had an unfortunate side effect. It’s made us feel like if we aren’t producing like other people- if it’s not pinterest worthy or instagram ready- then our work has no value. If our final product doesn’t look as good as theirs, or if we’re not making money off of it- we have no right to create. Nothing could be further from the truth. Creativity does not solely belong to the experts in any craft. Creativity is human. It’s what allows us to connect with our thoughts, feelings, and experiences, and in turn, sparks connection with others.

Creating isn't necessarily about the end product, but more about the process. It allows us to reflect, process our emotions, allowing ourselves to embrace the good and the bad of our circumstances, remind ourselves and others that it's okay to feel, give ourselves permission to let go of what doesn't serve us anymore, or map out a vision of what we hope for our future. Something that was said in the Healing Arts group a few weeks ago still sticks with me and I love the sentiment so much:

"It doesn't have to be perfect to exist"

We so often feel like we have to be perfect, or we have to be "on" all the time. We have to do everything and keep everyone else afloat. We have to keep going. We can't stop. We can't let people know what's really going on inside. If we can't keep up, we aren't worthy of taking up space.

We are our greatest creation- and we do not have to be perfect to exist. Embrace your process. Allow yourself to BE. Be imperfect. Be loud. Be bold. Be gentle. Be strong. Be soft. Be whatever it is that feels right to you- and it's okay if that changes. We are not set it stone.

As we transition to a new year and a new decade, this can be a valuable time to reflect on what is growing and changing in us. As a staff team, we are working on a project to pause, decompress, express gratitude, and meditate on this past year. We’re making our own holiday banner as a tribute to 2019 and to welcome in the new year. We invite you to join us in making your own banner to honor where you’ve been, where you are, and where you want to go.

We invite you to reflect on the following questions as you create your square(s):

What have you learned this year?

How have you grown?

What are you proud of- for yourself, for your relationships, and for your community?

Who do you want to show gratitude for in your life?

When you take the time to be creative- especially through images, words, or music- you create space for healing, growth, and connection with yourself and others. Not to mention, studies have shown drawing and other art forms reduce stress, release anxiety, and boost your mood, so even if you just want to paint your favorite color on a square, write something funny, or scribble and draw lines or patterns- that act alone can be a form of grounding that helps you focus on the here and now. In the wise words of Ms. Frizzle, "Take chances, make mistakes, get messy!"

The holidays are a wonderful time to celebrate life, reflect on the previous year, and spend time with loved ones. At the same time, it can also be an incredibly stressful time of year for a number of reasons. Whether it’s struggling to make ends meet, mental health issues, physical health issues, coping with the loss of a loved one, or navigating toxic relationships, it can be hard to know how to best take care of yourself when you feel pulled in so many different directions. It’s important to find ways to take care of ourselves and make sure we listen to what we need. Creativity can be a meaningful and important outlet to care for ourselves in a difficult time.

Remember- it's okay to take things one step at a time and enjoy the process, not just the final product. It doesn’t have to be perfect to exist.

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Emily Bagley

Healing Arts Specialist Intern

This post was written by Emily Bagley, Healing Arts intern at the Rape Recovery Center

Emily is an artist who uses drawing, painting, and music to help others find healing, hope and peace. Her passion for arts and education have led her to create and facilitate a number of arts based workshops in the community that help participants explore topics like self acceptance, identity, and who they want to become. She is the co-founder of the Women’s Group, WeCan- a group that covers topics like healthy sexuality, mental health, physical health, toxic stress, mindfulness and meditation, women’s health, boundaries, and communication.

In her free time, Emily enjoys painting, drawing, playing music, hiking, and taking things slow. She lives in Bountiful with her husband, sister, brother-in-law, and their 3 adorable dogs.

Interview with Jim Struve about Men Healing

“I seek gender parity; I wish for equality in media exposure that sexual violence impacts males as well as females. I also wish the media would devote more attention to the inspirational stories of healing rather than the tragedy of trauma. The narratives of what survivors discover in their healing are profound and the changes/accomplishments/possibilities that are released thru recovery are sometimes invisible – I wish the media would cover more journeys of healing to inspire other survivors to take the leap into their own recovery. ”

— Jim Struve, LCSW

Men Healing collaboration with the Rape Recovery Center

In 2020, as part of the Tools for Healing series, the Rape Recovery Center cultivated more awareness for male survivors not only at our agency but also in the field of sexual violence. What better way to highlight healing and community for male survivors than to interview and spotlight the work of Jim Struve. Jim is the founder and Executive Director of Men Healing, an organization dedicated to Inspiring Hope, Changing Lives. We hope the interview below increases awareness, healing, and, overall, more tools to incorporate into your healing process.

What are some of the barriers that you have seen with male survivors accessing services?

Less so now than in the past, but services for sexual violence have historically been gendered, with minimization or outright exclusion of services for males. Many of the laws were also gendered and not applicable to males. Luckily, these areas of barriers have diminished – although not yet fully overcome. In many ways, male survivors remain a “Visible Invisible” population – in other words, 1 of every 6 males is a survivor; yet most male survivors are invisible or perceive themselves to be one of a kind, live in secrecy – and many of us do not know that males in our lives may be survivors. “Male” and “victim” remain an oxymoron – this creates a cultural barrier that personally impacts most male survivors.

Also, sexual victimization is pathologized by mental health professionals. Thereby, the media - and public perception – have a distorted view of trauma = pathology. Post Traumatic Stress is portrayed as a “disorder,” – which creates a barrier for men who fear being negatively diagnosed if they seek help. We need to change the paradigm and more accurately approach sexual victimization as an “Injury” – therefore, Post Traumatic Stress Injury. Changing the paradigm may reduce a significant barrier discouraging men from seeking healing resources.

What is something you wish general media would consider when highlighting sexual violence issues?

I seek gender parity; I wish for equality in media exposure that sexual violence impacts males as well as females. I also wish the media would devote more attention to the inspirational stories of healing rather than the tragedy of trauma. The narratives of what survivors discover in their healing are profound, and the changes/accomplishments/possibilities that are released through recovery are sometimes invisible – I wish the media would cover more journeys of healing to inspire other survivors to leap their recovery. 
(MenHealing has launched a video project, “Beyond Survival: Voices of Healing,” which features narratives of healing and hope. ( Access: https://menhealing.org/resources-for-survivors/video-archive/ )

In your perspective, why is community impactful to the healing process?

Most male survivors still perceive they are alone; lacking awareness of how many other males share this unfortunate life experience. Therefore, male survivors internalize acceptance of isolation and aloneness. Others view these behaviors as typical traits of masculinity. Healing in a group or community for male survivors is essential to break through this experience of isolation and aloneness. Discovering a sense of belonging with others is one of the most impactful aspects of healing for male survivors. It also provides the foundations for male survivors to become better husbands, partners, fathers, friends, etc. as they heal and can expand their capacity for connection and intimacy.

What is your message to others looking to explore healing and recovery following a sexual assault?

If you are a male who has experienced sexual victimization, know that healing resources are now available – take the leap to seek help; join a listserv or social media feed so you can become more aware of resources that are available.   Try to find a way to make it safe enough to seek healing resources sooner rather than later. 

If you are an ally who has a family member, friend or loved one who is – or who you suspect is – a male survivor, explore how you can make it safe enough to engage with him to talk openly. Don’t be afraid to be curious and ask; male survivors are often afraid to initiate disclosure but made be receptive– and appreciative – of “asks” that are delivered with care, compassion, and safety.

What are some of the ways that men can engage in a healing community?

There are resources for men – like support groups through local Rape Recovery Centers; healing retreats such as the MenHealing Weekend or Day of Recovery events; through participating in social media networks and on-line support services for male survivors; etc. Do google searches for the topics related to male survivors and men will discover lots of resources that are now available in 2019/2020.

Jim Struve

What motivated you to get involved in the work you do?

I attended college at the University of Wisconsin-Madison during the late 1960s. Experiences during those formative years catapulted me into becoming a lifelong social justice activist. 

In my late 20’s, I was hired - with no real social work experience - by government Child & Family Services in Atlanta. Relatively soon into that job, I was promoted to the Emergency Services Unit, working with abused and neglected male youth: I worked in that position for about 4 ½ years; then worked for 3 years in a Residential Treatment facility with Troubled Boys, most of whom were victims of abuse or neglect. 

Although I lacked any official clinical degree, I surprised myself and my employers by my degree of competence and effectiveness in working with victims of sexual victimization. A supportive employer allowed me to secure more official professional credentials while I maintained full-time employment. (I was too poor to quit my job so attended graduate school while maintaining a full-time job.) I was fortunate to attend the School of Social Work at Atlanta University, a Historically Black College that had a strong emphasis on training Social Workers to be social justice advocates. I received my MSW at age 32. With my advanced degree, I obtained employment as a Social Worker in a Psych Hospital setting. Within a short period of time, I was promoted to Director of Clinical Services, positions I held at 2 different hospitals

I became involved with the Georgia Council on Child Abuse and began to challenge the lack of services for male survivors, resulting in me beginning to conduct clinical services to adult male survivors. Along the way – at about age 34 -  I had the self-realization that I was also a survivor. I had never forgotten memories of sexual violation during my early childhood and thru much of my adolescence – it was just so normal that I never considered it to be victimization. Even during my early career working with survivors, I failed to connect the dots that I was the same as many of the males I was working with. But my realization provided insight into why I had been so effectively working with male victims/survivors during the preceding years, without any formal training. 

Once I embraced my identity as a survivor as well as a Social Worker, I quickly mobilized my energies to address social justice issues related to sexual victimization. I was outraged that an issue so important to my core was so invisible and by the lack of services. I had the unexpected opportunity to meet 2 wonderful men who were also both Social Workers and survivors. We combined our energies and committed to organizing a public conference to leverage more visibility for male survivors. One of the men lived in St. Paul and was able to persuade organizers of a conference on male offenders to add a second day during which we could address issues relevant to male survivors. 200 people attended. This was 1988.

I committed to organizing a conference in 1989 that would focus exclusively on non-offending male survivors. We conducted a 3-day conference in Atlanta that was attended by 450 people from 14 countries. To my knowledge, this was the first free-standing male survivor-only conference anywhere (in other words not an add-on or combined with offender conference). I helped to form a planning committee with the mission to organize a series of annual conferences in several cities around the country. By 1995 (after 5 additional male survivor only conferences, we incorporated as a national organization to continue the work. That organization still exists as MaleSurvivor.org.  In 2001, some members of MaleSurvivor launched a Weekend of Recovery (WOR) program to conduct 3-day healing retreats for male survivors. I joined the WOR program in 2003. In 2017, we incorporated the WOR program as an independent 501c3 entity, now known as MenHealing, and I began my tenure as Executive Director of that new organization. As of October 2019, we have conducted 77 WOR healing retreats. 

My motivation to do this work is integrated into my identity. I am deeply committed to ensuring that males are able to receive healing resources that were never available to me; I believe that healing from sexual trauma may reduce toxic masculinity and allow new models of masculinity; I am excited to use my years in “retirement” to be more fully available for social justice work, free of the worries about paying my mortgage and therefore more fully available to change the world for male survivors and those who love us.

For more information on Men Healing, please visit www.menhealing.org

Tools for Healing: Reconnect to self through creative expression

“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open.”

— Martha Graham

There’s a lot to be said about making art.

There are classes and rule books and critics that will tell you where you rank and how to be better. How to relate to an audience. How to be marketable. What we never talk about is the desire to create something. What drives us to imagine something new and then offer it up to the world? It’s a very particular feeling, to want to create something. It feels like what a flower must feel like before blooming--it knows that it’s time to unfurl and be seen. But this desire doesn’t get nurtured in our daily lives. For most of us, anyway. And I want to show you what I’ve learned about holding onto that feeling, never letting it fade, always believing that I am creating even if I can’t see my creation yet. This can be a way of looking at ourselves with compassion when we know we are in a cocoon. Because healing is also creating.

Creating means reminding yourself that you are worthy of creating.

Our desire for self-expression can easily get tied up in questions of worthiness. Many of us genuinely feel that we have little to offer in the way of art. We feel that we haven’t uncovered any hidden truths worth sharing. But how does that attitude affect the way we evaluate our experiences? It tells us that our experiences are not rich with meaning and that we are not equipped to harvest meaning from them. But the human mind is so driven to live and to find meaning in living. Self-expression is a way of validating our life force. Seeing its meaning and its worth.

So when we are examining our desires for self-expression, it’s always worthwhile to examine our ideas about worthiness and the ways we may be holding ourselves back from our true expression. There are many ways of dampening or toning down our authentic tone, but the sound made by your life needs to be heard, or the orchestra as a whole is incomplete.

Creating means walking the path to connectedness.

Self-expression is the act of expressing love to yourself and the world. Where trauma makes us feel isolated and separated, self-expression reminds us that we are always connected.

Gabor Mate, a physician and childhood trauma specialist, has written that “the essence of trauma is disconnection from ourselves. Trauma is not terrible things that happen from the other side—those are traumatic. But the trauma is that very separation from the body and emotions. So, the real question is, “How did we get separated and how do we reconnect?” 

By nurturing our desires to create and express ourselves, we explore the pathways that connect our minds back to our bodies. And when we share our creations with the world, we reconnect with the world around us. In this way, healing from trauma can be an opportunity to recreate our very existence, and learn to express ourselves from a place of love and connection rather than fear.

The desire to reconnect with oneself is the same as the desire to create. With these desires in mind, you can aspire to express yourself honestly, without restraint. Those feelings of separation from yourself and others can become an opportunity to close the gap through self-expression.

Meditation is a creative practice that lets you into your inner world and shows you what is forming there. Here are some meditative activities that can create a space for you to nurture your creative drive.

• Walking

• Reading

• Cleaning

• Examining your face in the mirror

• Dancing

• Drawing or doodling

• Sitting outside with no distractions

• Having an honest conversation with someone you love

• Closing your eyes, laying down, and listening to music on headphones

• Looking at trees, sitting under trees, climbing trees

• Spending time with children

• Sewing, weaving, knitting

• Gardening

Each of us has a unique life force inside us that is always collecting and forming, imagining the new. How we choose to share it is always up to us. There are no rules or expectations. We are all capable of blooming, and none of us will look the same when we do.

This Blog post has been brought to you by Tamsin Clement. She is a writer living in Provo who teaches writing workshops for women at community centers and healing facilities across Utah Valley. You can find her on Instagram at @tamsinese if you’d like to stay updated on her upcoming workshops and courses.

Tools for Healing: Creativity

“Art is a way of emptying the mind and centering the self.”

— Alan Watts

Many times when we experience trauma in our lives, parts of ourselves including our passions and creativity can be impacted. 

We may experience a loss of drive, passion, and inspiration in our lives. Part of the healing process is to awaken the creative life that has been hidden, untapped, or masked.  Creativity is a process of discovering ourselves through any art form that comes from an emotional depth. Art and creativity invite us to practice the courage to let go, express, and release.  We also gain insight by witnessing and exploring our art. It can be helpful to develop a relationship with the messages, symbols, patterns that are revealed through our creativity.  

When we open the door to creativity, negative beliefs and judgments may arise. We may think:

“I am not an artist”, “What I painted is ugly”, “I am not a dancer, writer, painter, potter….etc.” We may feel reluctance to start due to fear of what may be revealed in our artwork.

If this is the case, ask yourself:

“What holds me back from doing art?” “What will help me feel brave to do so?” “When did I stop painting (dancing, writing, drawing, etc)” “How old was I?”

Getting to know our younger selves, particularly re-learning what we used to love to do can be a great place to start. 

Another invitation is to create an affirmation that helps foster a supportive creative environment.  An affirmation can set an intention for the artwork and help release the inner critic or negative beliefs about the self.  Here are a few examples of affirmations to support creativity:

• I am willing to experience my creative energy.

• My creativity leads me closer to my true self.

• I am allowed to nurture my inner artist. 

• I honor and respect what I create today.

Setting aside time each day or week to engage in a creative process can be incredibly supportive to healing. Research studies show that engaging in art and creative processes can reduce emotional distress, support emotional regulation, and neural plasticity in the brain. Art can also help in grounding, regulating our nervous systems, and focus our attention on the present. It can also be a way to engage in an embodied mindfulness practice in using our felt sense of our body while being creative.

People who have undergone trauma and who engage in art therapy along with psychotherapy have been shown to have higher levels of recovery from PTSD than those who engage in talk therapy alone.  This is thought to be due to the fact that making art fosters feelings of control and power that the trauma had stolen from them. Bessel Van der Kolk, a renowned psychiatrist who has researched and developed effective treatments for traumatic stress says in regards to the expressive therapies, “The Capacity of art, music, and dance to circumvent the speechlessness that comes with terror may be one reason they are used as trauma treatments in cultures around the world.” (Van der Kolk, 2014)

Creativity can look different for everyone. We asked our team how they express their creativity:

1. Morning Pages. I write three freehand pages in the morning to dump my mind. I write my truth without a filter. I write down any and all thoughts. It helps me start my day and move thoughts through. 

2. Making collages to support me in what is most important. I look for items in newspapers, magazines that I enjoy and on a theme. It helps provide clarity in my life. 

3. Create an art journal. I take 10-20 minutes a day to record my feelings through a quick expression. 

4. Going to a dance class or dancing to my favorite music to shake loose the stressors of the day. Movement can be healing and restorative as it loosens traumatic energy in the body and can release pent up energy. 

5. I enjoy using clay to make figurines and art. I have found it healing to mold the clay as I did as a child.

Here are some resources we find helpful in developing a daily practice for art. 

• Artist’s Way Book

• Taking Self out for an Artist Date

• Expressive Art Ideas

Please look out for group services on our website and social media to begin your healing at the RRC. 

Tools for Healing: Connecting to your inner child

“She held herself until the sobs of the child inside subsided entirely. I love you, she told herself. It will all be okay. ”

— H. Raven Rose, Shadow Selves: Double Happiness

Artwork by Alexander Milov

What is the inner child?

We were all at one time children.  Nobody is born an adult, neatly mature, responsible, and with all the skills necessary to navigate this world.  At some point in our lives, we become adults and lose touch with our inner child. However, not because we lose touch with our inner child does that mean it does not have an influence on us.  Most of us still act in childish ways every now and then. Examples of these moments may look like when you have a temper tantrum over someone drinking the last soda in the fridge, a panicky sense of being a bother, or feeling as if you don't matter when friends are not responding to your texts or phone calls right away.

Some of us, who had a judgmental and loveless childhood, remain children most of the time - temper tantrums and all.  It may be difficult for others to understand because we look like an adult on the outside, but we are very much a child on the inside.

The inner child is a “part” of us that lives in the unconscious. In many ways, the inner child represents the child we once were.  This child may hold many positive and negative beliefs about itself. Some examples of negative self-beliefs are “I don’t matter,” “I'm not good enough,” “I’m not lovable,” “I’m damaged,” “I should have known better,” “I’m powerless,” “I’m stupid.”  On the other hand, some positive self-beliefs are “I matter,” “My needs matter,” “I deserve good things,” “'I’m lovable,” “I can learn from a mistake,” “I’m smart,” and “I’m wanted.”

Thinking back to your childhood, what are some positive and negative beliefs you learned about yourself?  Do you find yourself still holding these beliefs, or at least some?

Sometimes our inner child is stuck in the past, alone, scared, worried, sad, angry, neglected, and hurt.  It is up to us to show up for our inner child to nurture, love, offer compassion, and kindness. But most of all to bring the inner child to the present moment, nurture, protect, and ultimately heal them.  You more than anyone has the power to do that. A way of doing this is to bring awareness to the presence of the inner child. You can start by focusing on your body, emotions, and thoughts. Creating this awareness is a skill, and as with any skills, it will take practice and work. Cultivating this practice may result in a positive shift and a deeper connection to this inner child.  

I suggest to start connecting with your inner child slowly, gently, non-judgmentally, and compassionately.  Many times when we attempt to connect with our inner child, we may find big scary wounds that need to be healed.  If this is the case for you, there is nothing to feel ashamed of. Honor the needs of your inner child non-judgmentally, and seek the help and support that can assist you. One suggested avenue of support may look like engaging in services with a licensed trauma therapist.  Contact your local community to find a trauma therapist that fits your needs for this healing journey.

How ?

Firstly, there is no right or wrong way of seeking out your inner child. The best way to connect with your inner child is to practice visualizing what your inner child looks like, how they feel, what they need and so on.  Secondly, we suggest that you try different ideas and pick a few that you noticed help you connect with your inner child the most. Below is one suggested way of practicing.

Exercise to ground with inner child:

• Returning to your window of tolerance

***Warning: The following exercise is not designed to address serious issues for which one might need the help of a local trauma-informed trained therapist.

1. Find a comfortable position.  A position that would allow your body to feel relaxed and supported.  Try sitting or lying down.

2. Start by taking several deep breaths.

• In through the nose for...1… 2… 3… 4… hold your breath in for… 1… 2… 3… 4… and out through the mouth for… 1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6…  Try exhaling a little longer than inhaling. By doing this you facilitate a natural pause in your brain and relaxation will follow.  

3. Gently and with kind intention place your hand on the part of your body where you feel your inner child residing at this moment.  Try your best to non-judgmentally notice your body, soul, and mind without getting “hooked.” Step back, and as openly as you can, kindly and compassionately notice your inner child.  It is as if you are noticing the passing clouds in the sky, but you are not flying away on them. 

4. Continue to breathe naturally and calmly.  If you notice that you are getting overwhelmed, please honor the feeling and non-judgmentally stop this practice.  Gently open your eyes, and while breathing in and out gently notice 3 things you see, 2 things you hear, 1 thing you smell, 1 thing you taste, and 3 things that are touching your body.  If you desire to explore and connect with your inner child again, it is advised to do so with the guidance and expertise of a trauma-informed therapist.

5. With your hand touching the part of your body where your inner child is residing, kindly ask “what do you need from me right now?”

6. Step back and wait for the answer.  Our inner child may answer in different ways.  Sometimes through body sensations, feelings, thoughts, images, memories, words, etc.

• Notice the answer with compassion and non-judgment.  Avoid telling the child what it needs. Instead, listen as openly as you can.  Honor your inner child as is, at this moment. Notice the impermanence of what you are noticing.  How it washes in and out...

7. Still with your hand touching your body, kindly offer loving-kindness.  You may create and repeat a mantra that fits best your inner child and you.  For example, say to your child in a compassionate and non-judgmental manner;

• May you feel loved,

May you feel safe,

May you feel peace,

May you feel heard,

May you feel protected.

8. Repeat this mantra as many times as you feel necessary for you and your inner child.  Mindfully, listen to yourself repeating this mantra either out loud or internally. Allowing your inner child to feel the mantra through your body, heart, and mind.  Bring non-judgmental awareness to any shifts in your body, emotions, and mind. Allowing any positive shift to sink in - in your body, emotions, mind, and inner child.  Notice them with curiosity, openness, and kindness.  

9. Notice negative shifts in your inner child washing in and out, like passing clouds in the sky - not “flying away on them.”  Mindfully bring awareness to the impermanence of the negative shifts, and allow yourself and your inner child to “soak” your body, emotions, and mind in the positive shifts.

• If the shift feels stuck in negative and it is increasing, then stop this practice.  Gently open your eyes, and while breathing in and out gently notice 3 things you see, 2 things you hear, 1 thing you smell, 1 thing you taste, and 3 things that are touching your body.  If you desire to explore and connect with your inner child again, it is advised to do so with the guidance and expertise of a trauma-informed therapist.

 10. And now, show gratitude and appreciation to your inner child for allowing you to connect, and for giving you the opportunity to honor and nurture it.  Feel your eyes, muscles, and natural breathing softening.  

11. Lastly, let’s take 3 deep breaths.

In through the nose for...1… 2… 3… 4… hold your breath in for… 1… 2… 3… 4… and out through the mouth for… 1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6…  Try exhaling a little longer than inhaling. By doing this you facilitate a natural pause in your brain and relaxation will follow.  

“Through the trust of our inner child in the balance of the self-lead spirit, may we find our path to self-liberation.”

— Martha Mendes, CSW, ASUDC

Resources

Schwartz, R. C.  (2001).  Introduction to the Internal Family Systems Model.  Oak Park, IL: Trailheads Publications.

Holmes, T., & Holmes, L. (2007).  Parts work: An illustrated guide to your inner life.  Kalamazoo, MI: Winged Heart Press.

Lees, D. J., & Lees, A.  (2017). The inner child explained: How to love, guide & heal your inner child.  Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BM0lmfBlE2E

Folts, K.  (2018). Give your inner child permission to heal.  Retrieved from

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKHkq6S3kaU

Tools for Healing: Mindfulness

“Mindfulness is simply being aware of what is happening right now without wishing it were different; enjoying the pleasant without holding on when it changes (which it will); being with the unpleasant without fearing it will always be this way (which it won’t). ”

— James Baraz

What is mindfulness?

Mindfulness can be best described as awareness. This type of awareness can range from awareness of this moment through observation of what we are feeling (emotionally), the connection to what sensations are present (physically), and further a connection to our five senses. Through the practice of mindfulness, there is also a dual component of coming back to the present moment when our mind, as is normal, will wander to think of past events or think of future events that may occur. Mindfulness is the constant “coming back” to the present moment, whether that moment requires attention to our body, our present emotions, or our environment. An aspect of mindfulness involves observing when our emotions start to spiral into thoughts or narratives about ourselves and when those thoughts and narratives further spiral into beliefs about who we are or how we perceive ourselves.

How can mindfulness serve me?

Mindfulness can help tame the spiral of thought, that typically draws us further and further away from the present moment. Mindfulness from a trauma recovery lens, helps us disengage the amygdala -the part of our brain responsible for some post-traumatic symptoms (anxiety, flashbacks, panic attacks, etc.). It assists us on the neurobiological level to get grounded to the present moment. Mindfulness helps improve present functioning and if practiced over a repetitive period of time, can help significantly reduce post-traumatic symptoms.

Tips for practicing:

• Start building tolerance for the present moment.

Part of practicing mindfulness involves being present. Although, that seems simple, if we’ve never had to close our eyes and feel our body or experience heavy emotions it can feel daunting. Start by cultivating presence in your environment.

Example: Practice the 5-4-3-2-1 technique

5: Acknowledge FIVE things you see around you. It could be a pen, a spot on the ceiling, anything in your surroundings.

4: Acknowledge FOUR things you can touch around you. It could be your hair, a pillow, or the ground under your feet.

3: Acknowledge THREE things you hear. This could be any external sound. If you can hear your belly rumbling that counts! Focus on things you can hear outside of your body.

2: Acknowledge TWO things you can smell. Maybe you are in your office and smell pencil, or maybe you are in your bedroom and smell a pillow. If you need to take a brief walk to find a scent you could smell soap in your bathroom, or nature outside.

1: Acknowledge ONE thing you can taste. What does the inside of your mouth taste like—gum, coffee, or the sandwich from lunch?

(Source: https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/behavioral-health-partners/bhp-blog/april-2018/5-4-3-2-1-coping-technique-for-anxiety.aspx)

• Breathe mindfully when needed.

The way we are breath can influence our mind and vice versa. Next time you’re feeling overwhelmed, try noticing how you are breathing. If you’re feeling too overwhelmed to notice, go straight to practicing a mindfulness exercise.

Example: 4-7-8 “relaxing breath” exercise

To use the 4-7-8 technique, focus on the following breathing pattern:

• empty the lungs of air

• breathe in quietly through the nose for 4 seconds

• hold the breath for a count of 7 seconds

• exhale forcefully through the mouth, pursing the lips and making a "whoosh" sound, for 8 seconds

• repeat the cycle up to 4 times

Dr. Andrew Weil, has a great video explaining this technique, check it out here.

(Source: https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/324417.php)

• Practice the R.A.I.N. of self-compassion.

R: recognizing what is happening

A: Allow life to be as it is

I: Investigate inner experience with kindness

N: Nurture and non-identification

For more information please visit:

• Guided meditation

• Handout
  

Male-identified survivors

“...there is a particular focus of the problem faced only by men. It arises from our culture providing no room for a man as victim.”

— Mike Lew, Victims No Longer: Men Recovering from Incest and Other Sexual Child Abuse

Sexual violence impacts many people, no matter age, sexual orientation, or gender identity.  Male-identified people who have been sexually assaulted or abused may have many similar feelings and reactions as other survivors of sexual assault, but they may also face additional challenges due to social stigma, stereotypes of men, and skewed definitions of masculinity.  According to research, at least 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused in childhood and 1 out of every 4 males will experience some form of sexual trauma in their lives (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network, 2015). Cultural myths and stereotypes of men can create challenges and barriers to receiving treatment and support needed in healing. Here are some facts we want everyone to be aware of in supporting male-identified survivors:

1. People who identify as male can be sexually used or abused, and it has nothing to do with how masculine they are.

2. If a male-identified person became sexually aroused during the abuse, or even sometimes wanted the attention or sexual contact, this does not mean he wanted or liked being manipulated or abused, or that any part of what happened, in any way, was his responsibility or fault.

3. Sexual abuse and assault harms, regardless of sex, gender, or identity, the harms may be similar and different but are equally harmful.

4. Male-identified survivors who are abused as children can be sexually abused by anyone regardless of sex, gender, or identity. Sexual abuse is the result of abusive behavior that takes advantage of a child’s vulnerability and is in no way related to the gender identity of the abusive person.

5. Whether the male-identified survivor identifies as gay, bisexual, trans, etc. (LGBTQ+) a male-identified survivors' identity is neither the cause nor the result of sexual abuse. By focusing on the abusive nature of sexual abuse rather than the sexual aspects of the interaction, it becomes easier to understand that sexual abuse has nothing to do with sex, gender or identity.

6. Girls and women can sexually abuse or assault male-identified people. Male-identified survivors are not “lucky,” but exploited and harmed.

7. Most male-identified survivors who are sexually abused or assaulted will not go on to sexually abuse or assault others.

(Reference: https://1in6.org/get-information/myths/)

At the Rape Recovery Center, we have seen an increase in male-identified survivors seeking services over the past year.  We strive to create a space that is welcoming and supportive to all survivors and their healing. We are excited to announce a new member of our clinical team, Derek Cragun, CSW.  He will be joining Camie Oka, LCSW, one of our full-time therapists, as a co-facilitator for Men’s Process Group. This group is held on Tuesday nights from 5:30 p.m. to 7:00 p.m. We interviewed Derek to get to know him and learn what brought him to the Rape Recovery Center.

Can you start by telling us a bit about yourself? We’d love to know more about your education, experience, and personal passions.

I started in the mental health field back in 2008 as a wilderness therapy field guide. Prior to that, I worked as a stone mason, but when the 2008 recession happened there was very little in the way of construction work. I thought maybe it would be fun to work with adolescents, so I took a job as a field guide. I really enjoyed that work, and have found a lot of inspiration in working experientially with folks and building relationships through shared experience. I decided to further my knowledge and went back to school at the University of Utah where I earned a Bachelors and a Masters in Social Work. I've continued to work primarily with adolescent and young adult clients, most of which are working to heal from some sort of trauma in their lives.

I currently live in Salt Lake City, with my partner and three dogs. I enjoy spending a lot of time outdoors doing things that are challenging and rewarding. I'm currently spending a lot of my spare time mountain biking and fly fishing. I also love learning and am always looking to further my knowledge and stay curious about the world around me.

What motivated you to join the Rape Recovery Center team?

The team at the Rape Recovery Center has a reputation for being some of the best around, especially in the treatment of trauma. I've had several mentors in my life that are affiliated with the RRC in different capacities, and I thought it could be a great opportunity for me to learn more from them while giving back to the community in a meaningful way.

What gives you hope as you approach this work?

I find this work to be incredibly hopeful, as I'm always amazed at folks' ability to go through the scary and challenging process of taking back the power they deserve in the world that has been taken away. People have the ability to heal and to re-embrace the parts of themselves that they've been forced to fragment in order to survive, and I feel grateful to be a companion through that process.

We know that this work is can be challenging. What is most important to you in taking care of yourself?

I keep a pretty rigid self-care plan in place and do my best to acknowledge where I'm actually at, versus where I wish I was at in terms of my mental and emotional hygiene. I try to show up for myself with compassion, and with an understanding that my best will look different every day. I try to take care of myself in small ways throughout the day, take myself out for coffee, take myself out on a bike ride, etc. Oh, and lots of time with my partner and my dogs doesn't hurt either.

Have you worked with male-identified survivors before?

I've worked with male-identified survivors in a few different settings. I've worked in outpatient care with male survivors, as well as residential treatment. I find that male-identified survivors are often a population that doesn't get the focus and attention that they need and deserve. I hope to help support an environment in which male-identified folks feel comfortable and welcomed while recognizing the barriers that exist in our culture surrounding gender constructs.

What are some considerations you'd like our readers to know about male survivors?

I think it is important to remember that male-identified survivors are unfortunately quite common. Sexual assault is certainly an issue that negatively impacts all intersecting identities, maleness included. Additionally, there are aspects of traditional masculinity constructs that can create or exacerbate barriers for male-identified survivors in seeking help.

If you or someone you know is interested in learning more about the Male Process Group,  or additional resources, services, and support at the Rape Recovery Center please contact us at 801-467-7282.

Below, you will find a list of resources we find helpful for male-identified survivors.

• MenHealing: MenHealing is a 501c3 non-profit, tax-exempt organization dedicated to providing healing resources for men age 18 and older who have experienced sexual trauma during childhood or as adults. MenHealing ensures the sustainability of the Weekend of Recovery program (WOR). WOR are weekend retreats for male identified survivors. Scholarships are available. For more information on dates please see this link.

• 1in6: The mission of 1in6 is to help men who have had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences live healthier, happier lives. Their mission also includes serving family members, friends, partners, and service providers by providing information and support resources on the web and in the community.

• Male Survivor: Male Survivor has been a leader in the fight to improve the resources and support available to male survivors of all forms of sexual abuse in the US and around the globe. They are a community built upon a unique foundation of respect and mutual partnership between survivors themselves and the professionals who work with them.

Reconnect to YOU Through Relationships

“Connection is the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”

— Brené Brown

Community and connection are critical components for healing.  As humans, we need others as sources of support, companionship, and friendship.  We also recognize that when someone has experienced trauma: relationships, intimacy, and sense of community are impacted.  During the healing process, we are in the process of building a new life and re-educating on what feels comfortable, brave and empowering in relationships.  As survivors are ready to engage more actively in the world, we get to establish new agendas, ambitions and deepen a sense of resiliency with who we are in the world.

Image source: https://campfire.org/blog/article/self-care-is-far-from-selfish/

Judith Herman, a renowned trauma specialist, shares that helplessness and re-connection can be at the core of trauma. Empowerment and re-connection are at the core of recovery and healing. Judith Herman identifies these areas to explore as part of the re-connection phase of recovery.

• Stay with fear. Retaking our power back in real life situations involves a choice to face our fears. The goal is not to obliterate fear, but learn how to live with it and use it as a source of energy, empowerment, and resiliency.

  • Invitation: What is one thing you can do daily that is uncomfortable but feels manageable? How can you nurture yourself when fear arises? After you do something that creates fear, we invite you to acknowledge the effort and work you put into embracing your fears by celebrating your success!

• Develop a sense of inner authority. At times we may feel possessed by our traumatic pasts. During healing a task is to become the person you want to be and to move out into the world for your life.

  • Invitation: Explore these questions. What inspires you? What are some of the parts of you that need more attention or have been lost due to trauma? What is one thing you can do each day to move towards your fullest self? It can be helpful to make this something that feels manageable.

• Reconnect with your community. During healing, we may feel moments of independence while being connected with others.  We may start exploring what it feels like to regain a sense of trust in people through participating in social interactions, supportive groups, or activities that bring joy and connection.

  • Invitation: Connect with support groups or activities that involve others. Assess the quality of your relationships. What are you needing now that may be different from earlier in your life? How can you support yourself when developing new relationships?

At the Rape Recovery Center, empowerment and re-connection are at the core of our mission and services we provide to the community.  Please see these upcoming events here at the center and out in the community.

• NEW Group:  Secondary Survivors Support Group

Location: Rape Recovery Center 2035 S 1300 E, SLC, UT

Day/Time: Mondays 6 p.m. -7 p.m.

Starting: April 8th through June 24th

Cost: Free or donation as member chooses

*Interested clients will need to complete a group intake prior to the start of the group. This will be completed by Yvette Gonzalez Coronado, LCSW. If you are interested please contact: Yvettelcsw@gmail.com

• To honor Sexual Assault Awareness Month, we created four different events in the community to celebrate collective healing. Please see our website for more details on these events.

Future events, new upcoming groups, and ways to stay connected are regularly updated on our social media and website. We look forward to connecting with you.

Tools for Healing: Self-Compassion

“Compassion is not some kind of self-improvement project or ideal that we’re trying to live up to. Having compassion starts and ends with having compassion for all those unwanted parts of ourselves. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen; room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy. ”

— Pema Chodron

What is self-compassion?

Self-compassion is the skill of directing self-kindness instead of self-judgment. Self-compassion is a soft tone speaking to the parts of us that are most vulnerable. It looks like caring and giving attention to our pain. It is always available, it is unlimited tenderness when we can accept reality as it is rather than ignoring the pain or trying to control outcomes.

How does compassionate detachment relate to me?

At times we may feel deeply for others and want to support them. Sometimes we want to break our boundaries or become overextended to meet the needs of others. This often leads to a feeling of depletion and comes at a cost to our health. Compassionate detachment is caring for someone while simultaneously caring for ourselves. It looks like recognizing when the suffering of someone is outside of what we have the capacity to support. It requires space to grieve and the ability to hold powerlessness and kindness together.

Tips for practicing:

• Take self-compassion breaks.

Part of holding self-compassion means allowing there to be pauses of kindness and reflection. When we have self-compassion breaks we are able to be present with self and turn our attention inward. Asking

What am I observing?

What am I feeling (in my body)?

What am I needing right now?

Do I have a request of myself or someone else?

• Shift the perspective.

In times of stress around the holidays, we may be harsh with ourselves. Using a positive reframe may help refocus the things we have control over and create an awareness of what is good.

Example: Family gatherings will never get better.

Reframe: This is hard, and I’m doing what can right now and that is enough.

Source: mindful.org

• Practice the R.A.I.N. of self-compassion

R: recognizing what is happening

A: Allow life to be as it is

I: Investigate inner experience with kindness

N: Nurture and non-identification

For more information please visit:

• Guided meditation

• Handout